So this weekend has been a rough one. Somethimes recovery from such an attack can take some days. it truly isn't fun and anyone who says stupid things like, "you'll be fine", "get up and shake it off" or even "it can't possibly be as bad as all that", truly is lucky enough never to have experienced giving birth. Quite frankly that is what it is like.
Thankfully afrter a weekend of being banished to the couch and not eating anything I truly shouldn't I am definately on the mend. Now all I have to do is stop beating myself up about it. I am a grown person and I know better. However food like anything in life we get used to and to change it completely from what you are used to what youa ren't is like telling a 50 a day smoker to quite in the middle of thier first fag of the morning. It is not something that is done that easily.
Even Aunt Em in Spiderman 3 reminded Peter that the hardest thing to do is forgive yourself. It truly isn't that I find it hard to forgive myself, I just keep nagging myself. Not something that ever worked for my "mother" you think I would learn from that!!!
Apparently not though. I talk to friends all the time and really let them have it when they neggie talk to themselves. You would think that it might be a bit easier to let myself off. However I think it is a bit like kids, we have all the patience under the sun for everyone elses kids but ours. We expect so much of them and ourselves because of the standards we set for ourselves and for them. This too is a lesson I have learnt over the last few years and it is a very hard one. I guess it is partly why I am so hard on myself because I bottle it all up and neggie myself into a corner until I find it hard to come out again. Seems to only happen every now and again but I think with everything that has happened over the last few weeks I really have let myself have it.
The problem is with that though it gets into the situation of you dragging up everything else that you haven't properly let go of, compounding the issue until you may as well crawl under a blanket and not come out because quite frankly that is all you are good for. That is of course until you wake up one morning and really snap yourself out of it.
Something I shall be sorting out in the morning I think. Right now I am sick of myself. Sick of being sick, sick of doing nothing, and sick of my head not working because it won't snap back into gear after the last couple of weeks, oh and to top it off staying in my pj's, letting the house go to pieces and not doing any work whatsoever for 3 weeks. Enough is Enough I say!!!
So in a few minutes I shall be returning to bed, and with any luck I shall wake up a new me. That is the plan, and I really do hope that it happens cos I really am completely sick of myself right now. I can well imagine you are too and you have every right to be.
So its off to bed for me.
Until tomorrow
xox Love and Light xox
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